Stick Figure Family

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help me Lord

Well, I've offically been a mommy for over a month. I can't describe how different my life is. I'm constantly needed 24/7. I thought being a wife was challenging-motherhood is was more. I'm just getting a taste of how God cherishes me now. I have a long way to actually "get it"...but He gives me tastes. We went to Colorado when she was almost 3 weeks....needless to say, I was a nervous wreck. The plane ride-to nursing in public (covered of course)-to letting a zillion family members handle her...i think I aged about 5 years. But I realized in it all, that she's not mine-God's watching over her, ready for her to live out His plan for her life....My worrying does nothing-doesn't make the situation better-just brings more tension in my life. She's so perfect, healthy and strong. I can't believe that God would entrust me with her....man can you imagine how Mary felt having to care for Jesus? That's how i picture caring for Abbey, that she has just as an important purpose to walk out. She's already brought so much joy to people's lives-my nervousness will only hinder that. Lord, please bring me closer to you-when I'm there I feel your peace-when I'm there, I know my family is cared for...help me control these overpowering emotions that aren't fully developed yet...just like you made Abbey perfect-you've also given me everything I need to be a good mom and wife-help me walk in that truth Lord.

Abbey Grace Randall

3-2-09
7 pounds, 2 ounces
20 inches

Phasing out

I am 6 days away from my due date...I went to the doctor for my 39 week apt. yesterday and he told me I was still 1 centimeter and 60% effaced. I hear that is good for a week away...but I was hoping to be a little further along (centimeter wise). This is Gary's child-you think she would be waving and kicking to get out, right? Well, after the apt. I was kind of bummed. I just feel like she's been in there forever-and I just want to meet her!
The days of your last week of pregnancy seem to go by so slow. Work has been real slow due to the fact that I've been phased out. I'm in a co-teach situation, and for so long I was the source of everything for the kids (my co-teacher just returned from maternity leave). She's been slowly phasing herself in, and now it's my turn to phase out. Which leaves me sitting behind my desk only to stare at the dates on my desk calendar. I have managed to highlight any tiny activity i can for the last 3 weeks. FCAT is approaching, so we've been giving a lot of practice tests to help them gain some endurance for the test-so that's been really boring.
But I guess there is a good thing about phasing out of the whole job scene-I get to phase in full throttle into the mommy scene! I've been so anxious to get started...everything is ready for her. I find myself cleaning things that don't need cleaned, arranging things that have already been arranged 6 times, and checking my hospital bag every night just to make sure i haven't forgotten anything. If this doesn't build patience, I don't know what does.
So here's to phasing out of one season in my life only to jump into another! I'm ready to dive in head first! You hear that baby Abbey!!!

Being the Salt

When you make bread, and actually look at all the ingredients-flour has the largest quantity and salt has the smallest. But, if one were to forget the salt, the bread would absolutely be ruined. It would taste horrible. Even if you just miscalculated by a pinch-the bread would be trash worthy.
In Genesis, Abraham tested God by asking Him to spare the whole city of Sodom if there were just 50, then 45, then 40, then 30, all the way down to 10 righteous people. Each time, God agreed to spare the city. Now, the way I understand it, is that there weren't the 10 commandments, there wasn't Law, people just "did good" based on their heart's conscience-they were considered "righteous" even if they feared God, just a little. THere weren't these major religious people. So for God to spare just 10 righteous, these 10 people didn't have to be holy rollers, not even a little.
Personally, this speaks massively to my heart in two ways... God is not out to get even, or to prove points, or to quickly go after the sinners. Peter even calls God patient in hopes His people repent and follow Him. And number 2, He was willing to save a whole city of the worst sinners in the world (Sodom was the bottom of the bottom of heartless people) for 10 righteous hearts. Just their presence in that city made a difference in God's decision. Now unfortunately, there weren't 10 righteous-but if there were, it would be enough in God's eyes to spare ALL of them.
Just when you think you aren't "doing" enough...just when you think you aren't making a difference...just your presence is enough in God's eyes. We don't have to go and beat the Bible over people's heads, or drag them to church on OUR TIME-just spending time with them, listening, hearing their hearts is enough to God. I think so much of the time we focus on church being the only place God can work, so we serve until we're burned out which leads us to the point we are seperated from the rest of the world-because all we are doing in keeping ourselves inside the church walls....there's this huge bowl of salt inside the church-and no pinches of salt in the streets....i never realized this until my brother said he didn't think I cared about him because all i did was spend my whole weekend at the church. i never shoved anything down his throat-but just my absense in his life was enough for him to think that-what a horrible witness i was being...to my own family. it wasn't until Gary and I started investing out time into their hearts-just being there with them.....same thing with my co-workers...and I didn't have to do anything-it was just a pinch.
But all He needs is a pinch to create opportunity...with your family, your spouse, your co-workers....that's enough for Him.

just being real

i really appreciate real people. you know-the kind that understand-and if they don't, they just listen. it's a battle sometimes for me to be real, i want to have it together or know what to say-but i've noticed that if i don't, then i wasn't supposed to...
i wasn't meant to be here at any other time, i wasn't meant to be someone else. I was supposed to be right here, exactly how i am, at this very minute. this very day has been in His plan, no matter what choices i make or have made-it was all for this very purpose. i pray i can keep this realization of who God's made me.
sometimes i get scared of what lies ahead. i get scared that i won't succeed-i won't land a job that i really want-that labor will be too hard, or that i'm not loving enough to my husband or daughter...
but if i choose to turn my eyes off that initial fear and remember that i'm here because God's placed me here, and no one else-just me....it gives me the confidence to trust in His ways...it brings a sense of peace that even if i look at a failure, i can see it in a healthy way and not a destructive one. I can see a success in a humble way, not a prideful one.
i can love better....

My Family

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Count Down....one month...

I can't believe that I'm sitting here with a perfectly "ripe" child in my body....I can't believe she's almost here....I feel like those words are being spoken by God as well..."She's almost here, Rachael, I can't wait for you to see what I've made, what I've entrusted you and Gary with". Through this season of preparation-not just the physical prep, but spiritual, I've learned and seen so much I need to do and be for Abbey. I've had to face a lot of truth. I've had to press into a lot of Truth. I only want her to follow Truth. The excitement that we've been experiencing lately, I know is directly shared with God. He can't wait! He personally has the time to share this season with us every step of the way. I'm so thankful for the trials, because they've only turned into treasures. I'm so thankful we're doing this with God-I don't know how anyone else does it any other way...

10 weeks away....

As I sit here, realizing that I'm going to be a real life mom in 10 weeks, there is just one major emotion that overwhelms me.....love....i feel so loved to know God has blessed me with a child. So many women can't have kids-or they get pregnant "the wrong time". But I couldn't have thought of a better time in Gary and my life to have a baby. And now it's hitting me-this is for real-I'm going to be a mom, the main source of protection and care for a helpless little child...thinking of all these great things she could be one day. And that's where I finally decided-i'm going to stay at home with her...until I feel released to go back to work. Gary told me in the beginning he would like for me to stay at home, but I just couldn't fathom not working. Sure take a few months off-then do both....but the closer to her birth we get-the more I'm realizing it's my role as a mother to stay home with her. So many women don't get that opportunity or choice for that matter. I have such a wonderful, well prepared husband who has given me that choice! At first I was like, ok maybe-with all this fear in my head-will we have enough money? what about medical insurance? what if i hate staying home all day? what if.....

what if I love it? what if i'm really good at it? what if i grow in areas i never thought i needed growth in? what if Abbey benefits from it? What if my husband benefits from it? Yes, I want to be who God's planned for me to be, but most importantly, I want my family to be all God's planned for them to be too.

I just feel so overwhelmed with love right now. Thank you God for the small miracles in life that truly matter. Thank you for giving us these blessings even though we don't diserve them.